Alwaz the Scars

Have you ever once, just once in your life, just sit down, think about your life and how you ended up where you are currently? I for one used to think a lot, in fact I do THINK a lot to the stage where I am practically playing mind games with myself. Whatever fact and fiction gets thrown into a pill of crazy ideas which usually results in me being all emo and feeling fucked up.

Back to the top, yes, at times I do wonder "what would I have been if...". If I was born in a different family? different background? different bring up? I could be a better man then what I am now isn't it? Well, I'm not in anyway trying to put a blame on my parents.

In some way they do play a huge part in what we are today, but they have been through blood sweat and tears to make us who we are today, and the ball is on our court for us to now try to be better then what we already are.

I gotta pause a bit here, thing is I don't really know where I'm going with this now. But anyhow, I'd guess I just keep it short. More importantly, what I'm trying to say here is that I am not at all comfortable and confident with myself right now, I've never been. My self-esteem fortress is so fragile that a lil stone could cause it all to collapse.

I'm struggling to make an impact at work, I'm struggling to get into a relationship, I'm struggling in every part of my life right now. It's so bad that I don't even think its a good idea to be telling it to anyone (except here).

What I want you to really know is that I'm really struggling with my life right now... that's all...

Here's something mind blowing for you people to check out! Of course, if you're not into high tech gaming with awesome graphical visual that will make you go "WOW", I suggest you save the next 3 minutes of your life doing something more productive.

Anyway, back to the video. Check this link out. (while your at it, paused it at 0:10)

Next thing you can do is go here and play it simultaneously with the video above!

It BLOW-ed my mind! and

Embarrassment

Well, just have a look at the video below and you'll know what I'm talking about.

This is pure stupidity and an embarrassment to the entire country!

On behalf of all, I would like to extend our humble apologies for those highly insensitive words expressed in this trying times that the Japanese people are going thru.

R3 Neo CPS

Its official now, my baby aint hawt anymore :(((

Look at the photos below to get what I really mean...

Yep, Proton just launched a new Neo with a whole new bunch of upgraded performance and an awesome rim I'm dying to get for my baby. Damnit, should've waited another year then I can get this car. Well, you know I'm just kidding. Ain't capable financially to get a RM80k car. But this really looks like a real deal being probably the best performance and handling car in its price range.

Anyhow, gonna come out with my "get rich" plan to get rich and be able to afford this sort of awesome cars.

btw, fuck myself for looking at all this, now I will have problem sleeping as I alwaz have this tendency to go Google more about this car.

That's all for now...

Sneakers!!!

NO I wasn't referring to MY sneakers! Of course not, I have already bought 2 new costly ones from Converse and Timbaland! LOL...

This is how my baby looks, awesome? no?

This are actually new sneakers for my baby (Neo CPS) which I am considering getting. Given the fact that my baby already comes with a stock 16" bronze looking rim, I still never really fancied it cuz to me it looked pretty ugly. A white car with bronze rim? I just don't dig it (unless its an Imprezza). So I've been scouting around, looking for awesome looking rims for my baby but mostly are 17" that looks good. However, for you dummies who don't know (I consider myself one of you), increasing the size of the rims DOES actually affect your car's acceleration, fuel consumption, and not to mention the cost of new tires!!!

Pic from KLIMS: look closely, it says RM475 per piece

So recently Proton's racing division aka R3 has come out a new sets of 16" rims (perfect for mine) which I first saw it 2 months back at KLIMS. It looked good then but I didn't really got the chance to see it fitted onto a car. Hence, after 2 long months, the rims are finally put into action and I gotta say it looks fantastic. Do check out the short video of Proton's 2011 R3 Neo CPS which is built by enthusiasts, for enthusiasts.

16" R3 lightweight alloy fitted on a R3 Neo

Bringing It Back

It's never good to be back here, at least in my case as it could also mean I have no one to talk to. Anyhow, its been more than 3 months since I last posted anything here so I guess its about time something of sort got posted up. Anyway, just a short update on what's been going on.

But before I start, let's just say its almost coming up to the end of January already but nevertheless, its a new start to the new year with new aims and dreams or resolutions if you should put it. Its probably not gonna be so much of a fun vacations or such being planned out but basically its about the life and direction that I should or could be thinking about in the near future.

... afraid that I won't meet my own expectations?

It's still pretty much the same me here, with the exception of more problems maybe? Well, one things for sure is that I'm still pretty much struggling with conjuring any sort of confidence out of myself. Managing it definitely isn't easy and it does affect me in every single part of my life right now to be honest. If you haven't notice, emotions does play a huge part in ones actions. But you know its not all doom and gloomy as I have actually signed up for Thai Kickboxing lessons just to build some confidence and also learning to be optimistic.

Relationship tends to get itself in the equation normally. There's always this common question being toss around in daily conversations like "who's the one", "where's your gf", "when you getting one" etc which you really can't avoid but give a smile or any crap before you go ahead and change the topic. I haven't been good at it to be honest. Confidence does play its part in this as well, being as low as it is, it's actually kinda difficult. There's just so many problems and bad experience that has somehow has affected me in a really bad way I guess. So for now, I have been trying to filter it out and just focus my energy on my career and also improving myself.

Driving myself higher with failures and the hunger to be better than others...

Which also leads me to be thinking about moving on. Moving to a new place, new surroundings and a new environment. I'm actually thinking about moving down south to find greener pastures with a prospect of better financial returns. This would probably be a significant change in my life and it could probably come after March when I finish my programme at my current work place but still there's time to evaluate and think about it.

Lastly, I'll just end this post with some of my wish list and resolutions for the year:

1) get a job in Singapore

2) get a lasik for my eyes

3) to have more self improvement and optimism

4) increase confidence

5) build body mass and muscles

6) safe enough for investment in property (later in the year or next year?)

Appetizer

Cast your eyes on the picture below, if it rings a bell, then YES, IT IS what you think IT IS...



Looks pretty awesome so far. Can't wait for the launch which is rumored to be this week. :D