Honestly Speaking

The time now is 5 mins to 1st February 2012. Yep, how time flies. I couldn't even recall a noteworthy time in January other than that short lived Chinese New Year. Not that it was a bad CNY, but its just so short. I remembered working, coming home cleaning the house followed by short weekend to prepare the house for visiting and the next thing I know, Chinese New Year has passed. It wasn't such a bad month I supposed, in fact, I'd say it was somehow a good short month. Firstly so, it was a month where I thought a lot about myself and how I wanted to change myself. Also, first time I'm actually trying to do it as well. I won't go into details there but yea, along with it went January.

Which brings us now to February 2012, a month to look forward to? Lets see, I have Avril Lavigne concert coming up and a week after that, track day at Sepang International Circuit. But I'd just like to set the record straight, reason I'm going to AL concert is ONLY BECAUSE I wanna go to a concert. That's all.

Now, it couldn't be worst for me feeling all down now beginning of February. Not sure why but my mood is just a lil down this week. Not really sociable, no mood, and yes having slight depression. According to a research, they say you can get depression with not having enough sleep which I am deprived of now. But I don't know, it just all going in my mind again. Think too much maybe?

I'm probably doubting a lot about myself again. Fuck shit keeps happening, it is some kind of a sickness I'm having?

Nowadays, I'm just ignoring my feelings for anyone cuz somehow, I don't see it going anywhere. More importantly, I don't see myself being a good capable boyfriend. Or maybe I don't even know how to be a boyfriend to someone anymore.

I'd just gotta be honest and say this. Everyone has their own problems. Yours might seem a bigger deal, but try putting yourself into the other person's shoes and see what they've been through. They did not grow up like you did, you do not know their history either. So if this is small shit to you, well I apologize and maybe I have opened up to the wrong person.

Gotta Let It Out

You know there a saying that each one of us will always have that only person that we like but we never do to let anyone know including our best friends.

Like so, I really can't tell anyone but I desperately need to let it out or I'll probably not sleep for the rest of the night.

Thing is, I think I have fallen for someone I shouldn't be falling for. My mood now? Confused and fucked up. I would probably get advises like "Just go for it... blablabla...". Thing is, I wouldn't want to lose her or this friendship because of these stupid feelings.

So what's left to do is control myself, ignore, and stay slightly away. That should probably do it until someone else comes along?

"A guy and a girl can never be best friends."

Cheers.