Life as it is

Well, it just seems as though my life is about to fall apart and being here again certainly says it all. With nobody to go to, to look to, or even just hang around doing nothing with. Life was certainly much better when I was only concentrating on my job and nothing much other than that, which of course kinda means that I don't really have a life. I do admit it, I'm not the most adventures and haven't been to many places myself. (Not as privileged, I don't blame my parents of course) Then again, its not like I wanted to be what I am today, but I'm just finding it hard to ditch my past and start anew again. They say you can react to your past and make a better future for yourself, but its easier said than done.

Confidence is certainly very low now. So much so that I can't even think about is single good thing about myself. So much doubt going about myself now that I even felt insecure at my job at times.

I'm also going through a really tough patch in my social life. Somehow or rather, I felt like I just lost my closest friends and course mates during college times. Can't believe somehow I was just left out. It really sucks to be looking at all your old mates gathering without you even being around. All those happy faces, and I was just being ignored. Makes me wonder, where did I go wrong...

Where did I go wrong...

I just wished I'm not myself anymore... a total failure in my own eyes...

Of course, I managed to get my mind off this shit this whole day just doing random stuffs like buying a burger myself and having it at some condo which I managed to sneak in, stuffs like watching golfers practicing their shooting at 9pm, and also pushing my car to its limits on the highway. Yes, they say not to play with speed cuz you know, it kills. I did thought about it but somehow I had no fear even if I died in it. I thought it didn't really matter actually as my life probably wouldn't even mean or cost much.

I feel pretty much useless right now, question now is, how much longer can I last?