Alwaz the Scars

Have you ever once, just once in your life, just sit down, think about your life and how you ended up where you are currently? I for one used to think a lot, in fact I do THINK a lot to the stage where I am practically playing mind games with myself. Whatever fact and fiction gets thrown into a pill of crazy ideas which usually results in me being all emo and feeling fucked up.

Back to the top, yes, at times I do wonder "what would I have been if...". If I was born in a different family? different background? different bring up? I could be a better man then what I am now isn't it? Well, I'm not in anyway trying to put a blame on my parents.

In some way they do play a huge part in what we are today, but they have been through blood sweat and tears to make us who we are today, and the ball is on our court for us to now try to be better then what we already are.

I gotta pause a bit here, thing is I don't really know where I'm going with this now. But anyhow, I'd guess I just keep it short. More importantly, what I'm trying to say here is that I am not at all comfortable and confident with myself right now, I've never been. My self-esteem fortress is so fragile that a lil stone could cause it all to collapse.

I'm struggling to make an impact at work, I'm struggling to get into a relationship, I'm struggling in every part of my life right now. It's so bad that I don't even think its a good idea to be telling it to anyone (except here).

What I want you to really know is that I'm really struggling with my life right now... that's all...